To All Those Who Care To Read,

Unlike most girls my age, I don’t have much experience under my belt. Literally. My five-and-a-half-year relationship stints haven’t given me a lot of experience in that department. Most people think that a relationship involves a crazy amount of sex. Not in my experience. In the past five-and-a-half years, I have had two boyfriends (two years and a three-and-a-half respectively) and have perfected no more than two positions to be used in the bedroom. [Speaking of the bedroom – Cosmo often cites that people have sex in other places… Is that a thing?]. As best put by Dr. Lisa Cuddy from House: “My sexual history is boring and predictable”.

As you may have guessed, this blog is being born out of a scant used word in my life: SINGLE. I finally had the courage to break up with my boyfriend and am now forced to discover this new life that so many lead. At first I was excited: free meals, awesome sex, new adventures. But as I think of it more, I grow apprehensive. As a single female, one has to worry about so many things in life – boy cooties, bad decisions, consequences from said decisions, male sexual preferences. Hell, I don’t even know my sexual preferences. On top of that, there is still unfinished business that needs to be addressed – living with the ex, confusion, moving on.

Joining all my single ladies out there, I’m putting my hands up and surrendering to all of these new challenges that will face me. Hopefully anyone interested can relate to my confusion, and help me navigate this new period in my life. Let’s get wild!



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Riley Does Vacation – Part 2: Dirty Dancing.

Two nights before I was heading back to Canada, Joe and I were dancing and I let him know of the day I would be leaving. To our disappointment, he informed me that it would be our last night together since he had the next night off. Playing it cool, I said thanks for the dance and I hope life treats you well as we stepped off the dance floor.

After the professional show that night, a group of newly made friends and I were sitting and enjoying a few drinks around the bar. No other walks by but Joe. As we made eye contact from across the room, he nodded towards the exit nearest to him. Although I am normally fairly naive with these types of gestures, I knew right away that I was destined to follow him into the courtyard.

As I rounded the corner to our meeting point, I saw him waiting there Without any hesitation, he bounded over to me, grabbed my face between his hands and began kissing me. The moment was intense, heated but ruined by the fact that he was the worst kisser ever. He was sloppy, overzealous and just overall failed to satisfy. [As well all know, a good kiss is key to, well, everything.]

After this impromptu make-out session, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into an alleyway covered by shrubbery. During the day, it would be very apparent that two people were there, but under the cover of darkness, it seemed like a discrete location. As more kissing took over the moment, I felt his hands slowly making their way up the back of my legs and under my dress. Lingering there for only a moment, his hands moved away from my body momentarily to unfasten his own pants. Once that act was complete, he pushed my head down towards him in a gesture that could really only mean one thing. After a few minutes, I was whirled around and bent over so that my behind was ideally placed for…. well… you get the picture.

As I was in a go-along-with-it sort of mood, this all seemed exciting and slightly nerve-wracking as I had never been so promptly instructed before. The adrenaline was coursing through my vines and I felt this was what it was like to be single. Whisked away at any moment for new experiences. After a few minutes in this new position, I lifted my self up in the sexiest way possible and turned around to look him in the eyes. As I lingered on his face, absorbing the moment, a look of panic waved across his face.

JOE: What time is it? Shit. If I get caught… Could lose my job. What am I doing? I have to go. Wait here. I leave. You leave in a few minutes. What time is it?

ME: Ummm… Wait.

Trying to grasp the last moment we would had together, I caught his arm, turned him towards me and kissed him softly on the lips. Thanks for everything.

Joe lingered for a half second more and then left, into the night, never to be seen again.

As he left, I began to analyse the situation and began to panic. No protection. I don’t really know this guy. He probably does this all of the time with different guests. That means I probably… no… it can’t be… Shit…

I rejoined my friends, downplaying my anxiety and finding a smug look of accomplishment to use as my mask instead. The ease in this transition was largely because I believed that this was the end of my single self exposing herself during her trip… But of course not – even though I only had one night left.

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Riley Does Vacation – Part 1: Dirty Dancing.

I recently went on vacation with my mom – my mom who doesn’t drink or party.  I was looking forward to the gorgeous weather that the south had to offer though I figured it would be an uneventful week. Was I ever wrong…

Heading into Cuba, the sun was sparkling, full of promise for a relaxing week on the resort. The hotel staff greeted us warmly and the drinks went down as if they were water. To put this resort best into perspective I can only think of the movie Dirty Dancing as a comparison point. Every morning when you go down for breakfast, there would be a list of activities that one was encouraged to participate in throughout the day – beach volleyball, aquarobics, salsa lessons, Spanish classes – and as each activity commenced, an enthusiastic staff member would wander around the resort collecting less than enthusiastic resort goers to fill the activities menu.

In the evenings, one of the daily events was a live band with professional dancers who would encourage the guests to get up and dance with them. After this, the pros would put on a lively, choreographed dance show for the guests. One of these dancers, Joe, took a strong liking to me from the beginning and would grab my hand for every dance, forcing me to make a fool of myself in front of the whole resort as I spun the wrong way and tripped over my own feet. He always managed to catch me however, making it look like a fancy dance move.

Now the odd thing about Joe was he looks just like Jackson, except that he’s a 28 year old Cuban man. He admired how young I was, not believing when I told him that I was only 21 and already finished university. Our conversations took place over our assault on the dance floor – my mom taking pictures from the side. After our half hour of conversation and dancing, he would go to his choreographed show where he would spot me out in the crowd and eye-flirt with me the whole time.

Of course on my last day with him at the resort, my Dirty Dancing experience was

An iconic scene from the dancing finale Vernon...

An iconic scene from the dancing finale Vernon, Polly (2006-10-10). “Hey Baby – we’re all Swayze now”. The Guardian (London) . . Retrieved 2007-05-15 . (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

completed… sort of…

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Scenes from a Movie: The Hook-Up

Holding hands, walking down the street at midnight, PK led me to his humble abode. Any doubts I may have had about heading to his house dissipated as we joked about school, work, life. The steps up to his room melted behind us as his lips became familiar with mine yet again. Shit, what do I do again?

As I felt his fingers unlock the clasp on my bra, my heart began racing. Animal instinct took over and somehow I ended up sitting on top of a mountain of a man.

PK: You know that you’re supposed to move or something right?

Damn it – I’m really fucking this up. Stop being so proud of yourself for being here and get your act together Riley.

Succumbing to the fact that I was incapable of fulfilling the top spot, I rolled over onto my back and let the magic begin. After being rolled, flipped, and twisted in ways that I didn’t even know were possible, the alcohol that was consumed earlier in the evening caught up and impaired the main sexual organ that was necessary to complete the act.

As both of us lay back, the next four hours lingered like a humid day. As we rolled through a conversation that linked work, school, sex and family, I wondered if this is what a one night stand was all about. A promising start followed by a less than satisfying talk. The kicker was the photo of the most beautiful woman ever – mom.

In light of the oddness of the night, I had a strange sense of self accomplishment as I snuck out successfully in the wee hours of the morning, not spotted by any roommates or neighbours. I strolled down the street, hips swaying side to side and hair flickering in the wind, feeling the sexiest I had ever felt. With the first one night stand out of the way, I can’t wait to see what more the world has to offer for this newly single girl .

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Scenes From A Movie: The Next Encounter

One week after my first kiss with PK, I returned to the campus bar with JD and Jay. We got there early with the intention of doing some reading beforehand (we are students after all). Upon arrival, the bar was full as a fundraiser of sorts was going on. Beside the bar is the club’s room so we decided to bunker down in there before our drinking began and until there was actually room in the bar for us to stand.

Of course, I was unable to study with the anticipation of what was going to happen that night. Was PK even there? If so, would he want to talk to me or was that a one night thing? Within 30 minutes of “studying” I was in the bar getting “a cup of water”… because I was parched… of course.

PK. (Sitting right next to the door. “Studying”. (Clearly us students don’t have our priorities straight). His wingman for the night promptly moved and let me steal his seat (with only slight hesitation from me).

Me: Think it’s possible to get some water around here?

PK: Water? You mean tequila right?

Me: Sure… (Insert shot of tequila).

As I looked over at him, his smirk said everything that needed to be said. Eyes glistened with the humour of an expert watching the newbie struggle to process the situation.

Me: (with a slight smirk to mimic his seemingly mocking one) So I’m single now.

PK: Oh really (Not surprised at all.) You know what that means right? You have to grab a guy and fuck him.

Me: Well I guess that depends… Do you think I get breakfast?

PK: (laughing) You never get breakfast and you can’t stay over either.

Me: Well I guess that’s not a possibility then.

I walked away with this, thinking I had been brilliant and clever asking about breakfast, though slightly disappointed at the response I received. I decided it was time to go check up on JD and Jay who had been “studying”. But before I could get to the club’s room, I was grabbed by the waist, spun around and kissed full on the lips. I remembered the silk touch of his first kiss and we went to make out. I pulled back (Wasn’t I really bad the first time?). PK wasn’t having any of my hesitancy and reassured me, placing his hand on my lower back and pulling me in closer.

It’s safe to say that I didn’t make it home to my bedroom that night. But that’s for another episode…

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Scenes From A Movie: First Kiss.

Do you ever have moments that feel like they are scripted? The moment is just too perfect, or too cliché to be real life.

Recently a man fleeted in and out (maybe…) of my life. I call him PK after a cocky yet skilled defenceman from the Montreal Canadiens. PK and I work together at The Grocery Store where I’m a supervisor in the front and he works as a stock boy in the back – a perfect set-up for a quirky romantic comedy. Recently it was discovered that we also attend the same university and, being students who work all weekend, Wednesdays become the logical drinking day at the campus bar. Since not many people hit the bars mid-week, it makes for a laid back atmosphere where everyone can be themselves. On one such night, the movie began with The First Kiss.

A week before Jackson and I broke up, my bar buddies for the night – Jay and JD – and I were drinking beer on some couches, loving life and having a great time. PK came up to us and we began making small talk. How was your day? Oh good, you know… getting work done…  Mid-conversation, I decided a bathroom run was necessary. While I was gone, Jay updated PK on the entire Jackson situation (You don’t understand – he’s totally taking advantage of her… $3000 that’s how much he owes!!). Upon my return I was swept away to a couch where I stared into the bright green eyes of PK. Although I don’t remember the exact content of said lecture, I remember the feel of his hand heavy upon my thigh as he stared intensely at me, grabbing my head so I couldn’t look away. What I do remember of the conversation went something like this:

PK: When was the last time he grabbed you and just kissed you?

Me: [laughing] Ya right – guys don’t do that… So never.

PK: When was the last time you had an orgasm?

Me: You mean through sex? We haven’t had sex in FOREVER so it has been a while.

PK: He is not a real man.

Me: Well he does have a penis…

After the lecture, he left to go send his friends off for the night and Jay and JD rejoined me at the table. More drinking. Laughter.  Disappointment in myself for putting with Jackson so long. Wondering what PK’s game plan was.  

At about 1 AM, Jay and JD decided it was time to pack up, hinting that I was heading out as well. Jay and JD went to settle their tabs as I searched through my massive bag for a pair of mittens. PK, seeing that I was alone, came up to me, grabbed me and kissed me. His hands wrapped around my waist as his soft lips pressed firmly against mine, unmoving. I didn’t know what was happening.

PK: That’s how a real man kisses.

Cue make out session. I hadn’t French Kissed in almost four years as Jackson was not a fan of it. I had forgotten what to do, where to place my tongue, when to move my lips, how to breathe. But PK’s solid grip around me was comforting. It was like a dream until…

Me: Stop. Wait. I have a boyfriend.

PK bent down and planted one his soft lips one last time on mine. Have a good night.

And that was it…

Sweet and simple. A first, second and third kiss. Ones that I didn’t expect to be followed up by anything else. I had a boyfriend, right? But that only lasted for one more week…

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